saying goodbye :( WARNING: Long post

I am sad to say this but my sweet grandma passed away on friday June 12th. She would have been 102 on August 13th this year. Ever since her last birthday she had started going down hill. I know I recently wrote about her in another post so I may repeat myself some.... She was one amazing woman whom we will all miss SO very much! It was really crazy how fast this sweet fragile woman took a turn for the worst. I knew on the Saturday before her passing that she was not doing well so on Sunday me and the troops headed over for a visit. She was pretty out of it and could hardly talk. She was weak and tired. I rubbed her back and stroked her hair (that is what she loved). We stayed fairly late and then headed back first thing in the morning she was even worse. I sat there with her along with my mom and sister all day long. She was on hospice and the nurses came and told us that they thought this was "it". We were so sad yet we knew that this was the best for her. Tuesday rolled around, same thing I came over and we sat with her, doting on her. She was on morphine every 3 hours, mind you my grandma died of natural causes just old age. But with her body shutting down we were told there is some pain and she showed that a few times so we wanted to keep her as comfortable as possible and I think we did a good job of that. Her breathing had changed as well she was amazingly taking a breath from the point of exhale on average ever 45 seconds it was absolutely unbelievable. We would just sit there in awe at how this fragile 70lb woman was still alive. Some of her breaths went as long as 85 seconds,what?! Wednesday, same thing... The nurse came checked her vitals and she had gotten even worse her blood pressure was super low and her heartbeat was now irregular. We waited.... and waited it was the worst thing ever. Thursay (my 30th b-day) we were over bright and early again she was even worse. I thought for sure she was going to go on my birthday but she fought a little longer, she was bad really bad. The nurses were amazed with her, they had said that they see breathing last like that for maybe a few hours not a few days. I go home later that night just waiting by the phone we knew this was it. I got no call... My brother had slept on the floor of her room, my mom and sister were in her bed until 3am. The next morning their neighbor had stopped by to bring my parents some dinner they were gone a few minutes, my mom went back in to check on her and she was gone :( I got the phone call and went there right away. She died at 9:50am. It was such a bittersweet feeling we were SO SAD because this wasn't a normal grandma this was in a sense our other mom, she has always lived with us and she is all we know. We loved that woman more than anything! On the other hand I was happy to see her go and be with her family and friends that have gone before her and she loved and missed. There is no doubt she is in a far better place reading her books, taking her walks and doing all of the things she loves. I feel like no matter what I write it will never do justice for this unbelievable woman.

We are very sad. We all understand that she was 101 and she lived a great life but it is still a HUGE loss for us. Mom you did an amazing job taking care of your mommy, you should be proud you did what many wouldn't think twice about. You put your life on hold to be able to fully take care of grandma and that is admirable. I know it came with many sacrifices and that there were times when you wanted to give up and you didn't. I'm so happy that you were able to have your mom for so long and that you have such great memories of her. We all do. I'm also excited for you to get your life back and have some fun. That is what grandma would want you to do too.

Although it is such a hard loss I am really trying to focus on the good. I have to. The only sad is that we dont have her anymore but the good out weighs the bad.

Grandma aka YAYA, we love you more than anything! Heaven just got a little better when you arrived. We miss you and we will never ever forget you. I am so thankful that my kids had the privelage of meeting you. They loved you . Thank you Yaya for being the best grandma we could ever ask for you will be forever missed.

MWAH, jules